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Fears of Anal Entry Other sections on this topic: Anal Sex | Fears about Performance I've already mentioned some of the pleasures possible through receiving the penis in anal intercourse. Now let's talk about how you do it, and some of the things you might be afraid of. Keep in mind once again this is intended to be a universal guide, intended for both men and women, gay or straight. If something doesn't seem to fit with your lifestyle, you are more than welcome to change the words around to make it more compatible with your preferences. This matter is simply put: your rectum can receive a large penis easily and fully, and this can be quite pleasurable, if you want it. And you must want it, before it can happen. That is, you must be at ease, in mind and body. The rectum is like a very elastic pipe with a set of muscular rings at the end, the anus. The anus acts as a plug, to stop things from going out, or let them in. It tightens and relaxes like purse-strings on a bag, and is fairly strong. This muscle is controlled by the mind, and emotions influence how tense it will be at any given time. Good fucking can't happen unless the anus is relaxed, and this may take some learning, some patience, and some time. Many of us are taught to be ashamed out our rear ends, of the things that happen there, and the sensations of this area. the anus can be an erotic place; most children experience pleasure in shitting, but many adults ignore these feelings, in their rush to get the act over with as little guilt as possible. The rear end becomes an ignored and mysterious place. The anus is usually held tight, and becomes the site of problems like hemorrhoids, yet the feelings are still there. Awareness and conscious control of the anus can be learned, although this takes time to discover. Look at it as exploring something new, part of your own body. The first thing is, how do you feel about your anus and rectum? Are they a part of you, or do you emotionally push them away? If you feel bad about your ass, that it's a dirty place, this is where your explorations must begin. Explore your anus, to discover how it feels and that it's not dirty, that you can touch it and not get hurt. You can do this two ways: by yourself or with a friend/partner/lover. If you explore yourself you have control over you actions. Climb into a tub of hot water (or a shower or on your bed) and relax. Then with you fingertips explore your genitals and thighs, gliding around to feel what it's like. Then bend your legs and slide your fingers down between them lower and deeper, past your testicles. Touch your anus very lightly with one finger. Then with several. Push down a little- how does it feel? If you like that, try masturbating while pressing several fingers on your ass. Now you've made contact. If it feels good there or if you sense that it will, keep exploring. Don't push yourself to do more than you want at any one time- pace yourself comfortably, but try to tune in on your rear; discover when it's tight and when it's loose, and how you can control this. At some point you'll want to take the plunge, inserting a finger inside. It's a remarkable discovery that you can do this, and it opens up a world of new sensations. Be aware that the rectum is a sturdy, flexible organ and can't be hurt by fingers, a penis or other similar objects, unless you violently intend to do so: if you don't make your finger force your ass, or your ass force your finger, they will work well together. Sharp edges like fingernails can scratch it, and that's not good, so be sure your nails are well trimmed and filed first. The bottom line is if it can take all your excrement in its many shapes and sizes, it can take smaller things like fingers and cocks. Usually there's nothing inside the end-part of the rectum; but sometimes there might be small particles. You'll discover that these are harmless and easily washed off after. Or you can clean out your rectum first, douching with an enema bottle and warm water. Many people who enjoy ass fucking do this first by habit, or you can use a quick and easy method developed by Dr. Bill Horstman, a San Francisco sexologist, which consists of douching with a large basting syringe, which can be bought at most supermarkets. It's a big plastic tube, pointed at one end (make sure to file down the tip so it's not scratchy) and a rubber glove on the other. Filled with water, it holds just enough to clean the rectum thoroughly and easily. Now, I suggest you like back on your bed (or wherever), and bend your legs to bring your feet up close to your rear. Get into an enjoyable masturbation with one hand, and grease a finger of the other with KY Jelly or another lubricant. Then place it at your anus, and push very gently, slowly. Your finger will go in just a little. If you want to get your finger in farther, you must keep pushing gently and firmly, and release the anus muscle and then you will feel you finger go all the way through, past the thick muscle and into the soft, quiet rectum. It may feel uncomfortable at first, because you've taught yourself to regard anything in the rectum as dark and dirty, and you'll want to push it out. But take it easy; try letting your finger rest there as you're masturbating. You may feel a little burning or irritation, but this will turn to pleasure if your masturbation is feeling good. If you like, climax with your finger inside, and see how it feels. If all this seems good to you, keep up the exploration. If it bothers you, withdraw and try again later; take you time. Once you get used to having your finger inside, you can discover new things. Stick you finger all the way in. Then feel around inside, gently, (and for guys especially:) as you masturbate, until you touch on a silver-dollar sized, round lump behind you testicles. this is your prostate gland, and you'll know when you've touched it because it'll feel hard and nice. If there's a sharp pain, however, withdraw your finger and go see a doctor, because it means your prostate might be infected. Otherwise, try moving your finger up and sown against the prostate as you masturbate. This will probably feel very good. Also you'll notice that you can squeeze and unsqueeze you anus around the finger. Now you'll want to learn to loosen it enough to let in larger sizes. It may seem at first like you anus has a separate personality, doing things in its own way. But this is only because you've separated it in your mind. If you get to know it better, it'll eventually make friends with you, and the separation will disappear. After using your finger to meet it, get to know your anus more intimately. You can trace warm wet rings around its outside; after inserting a finger you can massage it, pressing outward in a circle, tensing and calming it, trying to curl your finger around its side, feeling its touch through the skin - while exploring, if you act like you're shitting, pushing out, this will help even more. Practice stretching and tensing/calming your anus around your finger; you want to do this until it can be widened easily and painlessly. Next you can insert two (or more) fingers, seeing how far you can bend them apart. Later, you might want to try a dildo (a straight, smooth, round tipped object like those found in sex shops). It's a good idea to use something that won't break, such as plastic or rubber. Glass objects can sometimes shatter, and a candle could snap in the middle leaving half stuck inside, so be careful... you don't want to become the next weird newsworthy object of humiliation! Otherwise, feel free to indulge, since you can only hurt your rectum with sharp objects or violent jabbing motions. You might want to move right on to experimenting with a partner, and this is also another way to learn about your ass. Say to them "I'd sure like to enjoy anal pleasures, but I'm not used to it and a little afraid," Then your partner they can turn you on, after douching if necessary, and that they can place their fingers at your anus during sex. They can also suck and tongue your anus if they like, or insert their finger(s). These are called analingus and postillioning, and can be soothing, warm, and exiting;. A nice thing is for your partner to masturbate you as their finger is inserted in your rectum. If neither of you can get this far, because your anus just won't relax, it means you're anxious somewhere, or you simply don't know how to relax it yet. This is not always the easiest thing to learn, and there's no reason to feel bad about it, since the anus is very likely to just follow old habits of not opening up. It takes time. Take risks only when you really feel safe, and don't allow yourself to be forced open. It helps to talk about this, and how you're feeling. One especially nice act that can relax your rear is for your partner, during sex, to simply trace soft rings around the opening, pressing with one or two lubricated fingertips, going around and around. This usually has a calming, wholesome effect. If, after much gentle trying over a period of time, your anus just won't loosen, I would suggest you might have a mental wish not to be entered that you aren't aware of. If this might be, explore the possibility in your mind and with your partner; you may want to see a counselor or sexologist, or you may decide that anal intercourse just isn't for you. If you do progress in your explorations, the time will come for your partner to insert his penis. If this is what you both want, let it happen as it will, without planning on doing it. Be easy about it, trying one of the positions I've described. It may take several (or many) tries, so relax and feel the sensations. If it hurts, and it might, just ask him to withdraw gently. Some pain may happen, and this is usually normal, just as in vaginal sex can be painful at first. If it's a strong or sharp pain, back off, but you'll discover that the mild pain turns to blissful delight during sex. As he enters, you may experience a violent urge to go to the bathroom, or you may imagine you're going to piss or shit right there. This is a fantasy of your mind and body, through lack of use and conditioning; if you respect these feelings and have patience, they will change through practice. Also, if you're sexually excited, these feelings and any tightness will lessen considerably. The best rule is to take it in steps, going easy and smooth. It may seem difficult for a while, but you may be surprised by a rapid change from discomfort to sweet pleasure. There is a special position for you if you want to take entire control of the act. This way you can go fast or slow as you like. It involves your partner lying on their back. Then you squat down over their hips, facing them, and guide their penis to your ass. Then you simply sit down on it, gently and as far as you want to go. You make any motions with your hips, or you can just feel what it's like. There are two other ways you can take more control, which are useful not only if you're new at it, but also if the male has an extra large penis. You can use your hand as a stopper, wrapping it around his penis where you like so only so much is let in (or he can use his own hand). Also you can use a position allowing only limited entry - a good one is where you lie flat on your stomach, with him lying on top; by pushing down with your pelvis or tightening your buttocks you can limit penetration even more. After insertion, give a luxurious amount of time in becoming used to it. Let him worry about what to do, and you just pay attention to the warmth and you just pay attention to the sensualness of it. Try masturbating - this is a regular part of the intercourse, and may surprise you with its explosive intensity. Enjoyment in being the ass-person comes with letting go, into the experience. It's not being passive in our cultural sense, since your partner can be lying still with your making all the motions. Rather it's receiving and giving, their care and yours, your bodily/emotional desires and theirs, in various combination. It's reaching and creating with your excitement, so that your union becomes fusion of give and take, in and out- a greater wholeness of being. You can be entirely still or jumping all over, or anywhere in between. Most of the body motions are easy to learn, such as thrusting and grinding. It can get a little complicated at times, however, since if you both move your motions must be coordinated. The easiest thing to do is rotate your rear in a circular way, as he thrusts. A tricky and subtle still is to learn how to squeeze your anus, tight and loose, to fondle his pleasure more and start vibrating, glowing ripples up and down your rectum. You'll know if you're moving in good ways, because you'll feel a rhythmic flow inside and out. You'll begin to forget where you are, as your movements melt into your partner's. Other sections on this topic: Anal Sex | Fears about Performance |
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