Fears of Anal Entry
Other sections on this topic: Anal Sex | Fears about Performance
I've already mentioned some of the pleasures possible through
receiving the penis in anal intercourse. Now let's talk about how you do
it, and some of the things you might be afraid of. Keep in mind once again this is
intended to be a universal guide, intended for both men and women, gay or straight.
If something doesn't seem to fit with your lifestyle, you are more than welcome to
change the words around to make it more compatible with your preferences.
This matter is simply put: your rectum can receive a large penis
easily and fully, and this can be quite pleasurable, if you want
it. And you must want it, before it can happen. That is, you must
be at ease, in mind and body. The rectum is like a very elastic
pipe with a set of muscular rings at the end, the anus. The anus
acts as a plug, to stop things from going out, or let them in. It
tightens and relaxes like purse-strings on a bag, and is fairly
This muscle is controlled by the mind, and emotions influence how
tense it will be at any given time. Good fucking can't happen
unless the anus is relaxed, and this may take some learning,
some patience, and some time.
Many of us are taught to be ashamed out our rear ends, of the
things that happen there, and the sensations of this area. the anus
can be an erotic place; most children experience pleasure in
shitting, but many adults ignore these feelings, in their rush to
get the act over with as little guilt as possible. The rear end
becomes an ignored and mysterious place. The anus is usually held
tight, and becomes the site of problems like hemorrhoids, yet the feelings are still there. Awareness and conscious control of the anus can be learned, although this takes time to discover.
Look at it as exploring something new, part of your own body. The
first thing is, how do you feel about your anus and rectum? Are they
a part of you, or do you emotionally push them away? If you feel
bad about your ass, that it's a dirty place, this is where your
explorations must begin. Explore your anus, to discover how it feels and that it's not
dirty, that you can touch it and not get hurt. You can do this two
ways: by yourself or with a friend/partner/lover.
If you explore yourself you have control over you actions. Climb
into a tub of hot water (or a shower or on your bed) and relax.
Then with you fingertips explore your genitals and thighs, gliding
around to feel what it's like. Then bend your legs and slide your
fingers down between them lower and deeper, past your testicles.
Touch your anus very lightly with one finger. Then with several.
Push down a little- how does it feel? If you like that, try
masturbating while pressing several fingers on your ass.
Now you've made contact. If it feels good there or if you sense
that it will, keep exploring. Don't push yourself to do more than
you want at any one time- pace yourself comfortably, but try to
tune in on your rear; discover when it's tight and when it's loose,
and how you can control this.
At some point you'll want to take the plunge, inserting a finger
inside. It's a remarkable discovery that you can do this, and it
opens up a world of new sensations. Be aware that the rectum is a
sturdy, flexible organ and can't be hurt by fingers, a penis or
other similar objects, unless you violently intend to do so: if you
don't make your finger force your ass, or your ass force your
finger, they will work well together. Sharp edges like fingernails
can scratch it, and that's not good, so be sure your nails are well trimmed and filed first. The bottom line is if it can take all your excrement in its many shapes and sizes, it can take smaller things like fingers and cocks.
Usually there's nothing inside the end-part of the rectum; but
sometimes there might be small particles. You'll discover that
these are harmless and easily washed off after. Or you can clean
out your rectum first, douching with an enema bottle and warm
water. Many people who enjoy ass fucking do this first by habit, or you can use a
quick and easy method developed by Dr. Bill Horstman, a San
Francisco sexologist, which consists of douching with a large
basting syringe, which can be bought at most supermarkets. It's a
big plastic tube, pointed at one end (make sure to file down the
tip so it's not scratchy) and a rubber glove on the other.
Filled with water, it holds just enough to clean the rectum
thoroughly and easily.
Now, I suggest you like back on your bed (or wherever), and bend
your legs to bring your feet up close to your rear. Get into an
enjoyable masturbation with one hand, and grease a finger of the
other with KY Jelly or another lubricant. Then place it at your anus, and
push very gently, slowly. Your finger will go in just a little. If
you want to get your finger in farther, you must keep pushing
gently and firmly, and release the anus muscle and then you will feel
you finger go all the way through, past the thick muscle and into
the soft, quiet rectum.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, because you've taught yourself
to regard anything in the rectum as dark and dirty, and you'll want
to push it out. But take it easy; try letting your finger rest
there as you're masturbating. You may feel a little burning or
irritation, but this will turn to pleasure if your masturbation is
feeling good. If you like, climax with your finger inside, and see
how it feels. If all this seems good to you, keep up the
exploration. If it bothers you, withdraw and try again later; take
Once you get used to having your finger inside, you can discover new
things. Stick you finger all the way in. Then feel around inside,
gently, (and for guys especially:) as you masturbate, until you touch on a silver-dollar
sized, round lump behind you testicles. this is your prostate
gland, and you'll know when you've touched it because it'll feel
hard and nice. If there's a sharp pain, however, withdraw your
finger and go see a doctor, because it means your prostate might be
infected. Otherwise, try moving your finger up and sown against the
prostate as you masturbate. This will probably feel very good. Also
you'll notice that you can squeeze and unsqueeze you anus around
Now you'll want to learn to loosen it enough to let in larger
sizes. It may seem at first like you anus has a separate
personality, doing things in its own way. But this is only because
you've separated it in your mind. If you get to know it better,
it'll eventually make friends with you, and the separation will
disappear. After using your finger to meet it, get to know your
anus more intimately. You can trace warm wet rings around its
outside; after inserting a finger you can massage it, pressing
outward in a circle, tensing and calming it, trying to curl your
finger around its side, feeling its touch through the skin - while
exploring, if you act like you're shitting, pushing out, this will
help even more. Practice stretching and tensing/calming your anus
around your finger; you want to do this until it can be widened
easily and painlessly.
Next you can insert two (or more) fingers, seeing how far you can
bend them apart. Later, you might want to try a dildo (a straight,
smooth, round tipped object like those found in sex shops). It's a
good idea to use something that won't break, such as plastic or
rubber. Glass objects can sometimes shatter, and a candle could
snap in the middle leaving half stuck inside, so be careful... you don't want to become the next weird newsworthy object of humiliation! Otherwise, feel free to indulge, since you can only hurt your rectum with sharp objects or violent jabbing motions.
You might want to move right on to experimenting with a partner,
and this is also another way to learn about your ass. Say to them
"I'd sure like to enjoy anal pleasures, but I'm not used to it and
a little afraid," Then your partner they can turn you on, after douching
if necessary, and that they can place their fingers at your anus during sex. They
can also suck and tongue your anus if they like, or insert their
finger(s). These are called analingus and postillioning, and can be
soothing, warm, and exiting;. A nice thing is for your partner to masturbate
you as their finger is inserted in your rectum.
If neither of you can get this far, because your anus just won't
relax, it means you're anxious somewhere, or you simply don't know
how to relax it yet. This is not always the easiest thing to learn,
and there's no reason to feel bad about it, since the anus is very
likely to just follow old habits of not opening up. It takes time.
Take risks only when you really feel safe, and don't allow yourself
to be forced open. It helps to talk about this, and how you're
One especially nice act that can relax your rear is for your
partner, during sex, to simply trace soft rings around the opening,
pressing with one or two lubricated fingertips, going around and
around. This usually has a calming, wholesome effect.
If, after much gentle trying over a period of time, your anus just
won't loosen, I would suggest you might have a mental wish not to
be entered that you aren't aware of. If this might be, explore the
possibility in your mind and with your partner; you may want to see
a counselor or sexologist, or you may decide that anal intercourse
just isn't for you.
If you do progress in your explorations, the time will come for
your partner to insert his penis. If this is what you both want, let
it happen as it will, without planning on doing it. Be easy about
it, trying one of the positions I've described. It may take several
(or many) tries, so relax and feel the sensations. If it hurts, and
it might, just ask him to withdraw gently. Some pain may happen,
and this is usually normal, just as in vaginal sex can be painful at first. If it's a strong or sharp pain, back off, but you'll discover that the mild pain turns to blissful delight
during sex. As he enters, you may experience a violent urge to go
to the bathroom, or you may imagine you're going to piss or shit
right there. This is a fantasy of your mind and body, through lack
of use and conditioning; if you respect these feelings and have
patience, they will change through practice. Also, if you're
sexually excited, these feelings and any tightness will lessen
considerably. The best rule is to take it in steps, going easy and
smooth. It may seem difficult for a while, but you may be surprised
by a rapid change from discomfort to sweet pleasure.
There is a special position for you if you want to take entire
control of the act. This way you can go fast or slow as you like.
It involves your partner lying on their back. Then you squat down over
their hips, facing them, and guide their penis to your ass. Then you
simply sit down on it, gently and as far as you want to go. You
make any motions with your hips, or you can just feel what it's
There are two other ways you can take more control, which are
useful not only if you're new at it, but also if the male has an extra
large penis. You can use your hand as a stopper, wrapping it around
his penis where you like so only so much is let in (or he can use
his own hand). Also you can use a position allowing only limited
entry - a good one is where you lie flat on your stomach, with him
lying on top; by pushing down with your pelvis or tightening your
buttocks you can limit penetration even more.
After insertion, give a luxurious amount of time in becoming used
to it. Let him worry about what to do, and you just pay attention
to the warmth and you just pay
attention to the sensualness of it. Try masturbating -
this is a regular part of the intercourse, and may surprise you
with its explosive intensity.
Enjoyment in being the ass-person comes with letting go, into the
experience. It's not being passive in our cultural sense, since your partner
can be lying still with your making all the motions. Rather it's
receiving and giving, their care and yours, your bodily/emotional
desires and theirs, in various combination. It's reaching and creating
with your excitement, so that your union becomes fusion of give and
take, in and out- a greater wholeness of being.
You can be entirely still or jumping all over, or anywhere in
between. Most of the body motions are easy to learn, such as
thrusting and grinding. It can get a little complicated at times,
however, since if you both move your motions must be coordinated.
The easiest thing to do is rotate your rear in a circular way, as
he thrusts. A tricky and subtle still is to learn how to squeeze
your anus, tight and loose, to fondle his pleasure more and start
vibrating, glowing ripples up and down your rectum. You'll know if
you're moving in good ways, because you'll feel a rhythmic flow
inside and out. You'll begin to forget where you are, as your
movements melt into your partner's.
Other sections on this topic: Anal Sex | Fears about Performance
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