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Fears about Performance Other sections on this topic: Anal Sex | Fears of Anal Entry As with the ass-person, so too with the penis-person, being of good consciousness, open, wanting to explore and cooperate- with these come knowledge and pleasurable sensations; touching and rubbing in joyful ways. Once your penis is in your partner's rectum, all this will tend to happen by itself; just let go and explore what feels good. If you haven't done it before, you might feel clumsy and confused; body motions used in anal intercourse aren't used many places outside sex, so how can you be expected to just know them? If you feel uncomfortable, tell your partner you're exploring and maybe they'll be able to help you out. One big worry is that you might be embarrassed or that you'll fail. This is called "Performance anxiety:" you can't get it up, you can't keep it up, and/or you can't carry through to climax. The penis is sensitive to worry, like a barometer it goes up and down with your anxiety level (among other things, such as fatigue). In other words, if you're too upset or too unsteady, it's pretty hard to fake it with your cock. And once you've "failed," it makes it even harder. But actually, this penis-sensitivity can be seen as a good thing: it makes you be honest. There's a big difference between performing in intercourse and sharing. I'm not writing about performance at all- if you want to put on a show, entertain your partner and prove your skills, you'll have to look elsewhere. If you want to be together, mixing with your partner, giving and taking as two growing people - then you'll want to be honest, clear, human, and most important, yourself. And then, if you go limp, you go limp. Big deal! That's part of being yourself at the time. You're scared, uncertain, confused; these are important feelings; don't deny them! People manage to get themselves into a fix by making things worse then they are. Worries in sex are common, human things; we all fail, including me. By discovering you can just be you, wherever you're at during the moment, it won't matter so much; it'll be just fine. If you've tried before and failed a lot, you probably feel pretty bad about it. "I'm a loser; ain't it awful." Well, you'll never get over it with that attitude. What keeps people from doing what they want is "I can't do it; I'm super anxious that I'll just fail again." This vicious circle of failure, fear of failure- needs to be broken, and the first step is removing the emotional punch of "failing." Examine why you see your act as a failure; you must have had a goal in mind that you didn't reach, and this to you was bad. Why is this a bad thing? Try looking at it from a new point of view, seeing it neither as a bad or good, but simply as an event which happened. Find a partner who's willing to work on it with you, explaining that you want to do this, but you couldn't manage it in the past. Then you can go on to break the cycle, by learning that you can enjoy yourself. This requires trust and help from your partner, as you both learn together. First, you'll want to discover you can enjoy contact with their rear end. When you're having sex, try inserting your finger on or into their anus, and theirs into yours, especially at climax. Then you'll discover you can give and get extra pleasure this way. After you're used to this, try the special position I mentioned before: you lie on your back, and your partner straddles you at the waist, and one of you inserts your penis into your partner (whoever has the penis!). You don't have to move a thing; just relax and feel it. Often the person was so worried about what to do after insertion that they could never get that far. Let your partner do all the movement. If you go limp, try again or switch to something else. Make sure it's all right with you and your friend if you go limp, since this (limp=failed=bad) can be the biggest part of feeling like you're no good. Take time discovering that you can be erect and be inside him. If it doesn't happen sooner or later, you may want to just let it rest until a better time. After you feel comfortable being inside them, try moving. As you begin to do this, open up to your desire. Try the side-ways position, both facing the same way, since it won't be as demanding as some others. Once you feel fluid and relaxed mentally, your body will flow also. Flex it; try out your pelvis. Just move it around any old way and see what happens. You'll probably discover most if not all the possible movements. Thrusting is with the small of the back (just above your ass), making your pelvis tip up and down. You'll be rusty at first; practice makes better (dancing is also a good place to practice). You'll find you can move in ways that express your feelings: slow, fast, hard, soft, simple, complex, as you like. Also it'll take time to coordinate your movements with theirs; this cooperation is learned, as you pick up each other's styles and talk about what's good for you. If both of you are into moving at the same time, perhaps the easiest is for you to thrust while your partner rotates their pelvis. To do this try to draw an imaginary circle around your waist with your rear end. And then there's thrusting together - there are two ways to do it. As the man pushes his penis deeper into his partner's ass, they can push against you and then pull away from you as you pull away from them. This is the meeting style. In the rhythm style, you both thrust at the same time; you make the exact same rhythm. Obviously this would never work, except that you and your partner don't move at exactly the same time: one of you is "off" slightly, pushing down a little after they pushes down, pulling up a little after, and so on. There's another important matter that's good to know. And this is about forcing your partner's ass. There are two ways to have anal intercourse as in inter-action, or as a game of force and selfish controlling between suspicious partners. Time and again, it is the good consciousness that matters; feeling warm, trusting, open with your partner. With this attitude, the problem of forced entry will never come up. But it often happens that a tight anus is rammed by a callous or overeager partner, and this is not good. As I've taken time to explain, the anus muscles will be as loose as the person feels. If the anus doesn't relax, intercourse can still happen, as the ass can be entered by sheer force. This is usually painful, and may hurt the ass-person by tearing the rectum. You will instantly know if you're being entered in a bad way, because it'll hurt a lot. And that's the time to stop things. Be gentle when you enter another person: after you're in, you can use healthy stroking, but not at first; don't plunge in like a high diver. You should slide in with a firm, easy pushing, If not, try again later. The anus may not be either totally relaxed or tight: it doesn't have to be gaping wide open- but if firm pressure doesn't work, don't go on. The best indicator of trouble is pain - a little is usually normal or all right, especially of the ass-person is inexperienced, but a lot means stop. If the penis is really large, some extra stretching may be necessary, and this may take a little practice for the anus to get used to. You can insert your penis in just part way, and then withdraw, so that their anus will become adjusted to accept this mount. The anus is very flexible, but it may take some practice - try inserting a little, then full insertion later, followed by gentle movements and then finally moving as comfortable. This gradual approach, in many matters, is usually the safest and most secure way. From all the foregoing, it may seem like anal intercourse is a very complex activity. But actually it's a simple thing, and comes easy with an easy mind. It's another way of sharing bodies and feelings, meeting and exploring the world of ourselves. It can be a way of pleasuring, growing, loving, a nice pastime or a meaty pursuit. Other sections on this topic: Anal Sex | Fears of Anal Entry Note- These articles about Anal Intercourse have been edited from an original unknown source. |
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