Written and submitted by Freddy
Seems simple, doesn't it? Pop in a porn flick and get busy. And for some of us it is just that simple. But for those of you who may be uncomfortable with such things or, worse, have never actually watched an adult film, here are some guidelines to make to make things a little easier.
1. Make sure it's something you BOTH actually want to do.
Society has done its best to make porn into an evil to be avoided at all costs. Religion, sexual repression, obsenity laws, and such have all forced the adult industry to operate pseudo-underground, worsening the stigma attached to viewing their products. Yeah, the Clinton years brought them more into the open, but we're in the Bush years now. And, let's face it, most of the adult films produced are cheap, explicit trash meant for male masturbation and freaks. That said, Eddy and I have found watching porn films to be a great way to get the juices flowing and enhance our own sex lives. We don't watch them every night, nor do we like all of what we do watch. But it's certainly nothing of which we're ashamed. For most of you, though, you may want to check with your partner BEFORE acquiring a title. And this applies to both genders. If you want to introduce this element into your sex lives, check with your partner first. If there's any sort of hesitation, maybe a discussion or compromise is in order. Perhaps you can start with a softcore title, like those produced by Playboy, which feature great looking casts and no explicit sex and work your way up.
2. Choose your video together.
What works for men, usually doesn't work for most women. All men need are two things. One, naked women having sex. Two, more naked women having sex. Whatever is going on around this basic premise is unnecessary. Men want hot women, naked, and having sex. Poolside. On the roof. The hood of a car. Wherever. Story? Nope. Tenderness? Nope. Production values? What's that?
Women, for the most part, aren't stimulated so much by the visual aspects as they are by the whole EXPERIENCE being portrayed in the movie. Is there some sort of plot? Seduction before the sex? Is the guy trying to actually please the woman? Is the sex on screen believable? Are the two actors compatible? Is the guy an ugly pig? Violence, rough sex, and too much "Fuck me, fuck me harder" isn't normally going to generate much fire from the femme side. Especially the first time out. It may be best to save Ron Jeremy for later and stay well away from the edgier stuff unless your partner specifically requests it (bondage, anal, S&M, etc).
The best way to choose a title is to ask your friends for suggestions. This can be quite difficult for the shy folks, so combing some of the adult sites in our links sections (especially the Erotica and Adult Advice categories) can lead you to good titles. Eddy and I have a few stars we find attractive (Asia Carrera, Tera Patrick, Julia Ann, Peter North, Randy West), so we look for films in which they star and hope for the best. There are definitely studios who consistently produce higher quality titles, such as Vivid, Digital Playground, Adam and Eve, and Caballero (our favorite is the Andrew Blake series). Of course, you're welcome to borrow a title from us and we have provided a few suggested titles in our reviews section that we personally find enjoyable. The point is to make this decision together and go from there. Set some ground rules as to WHAT you want to watch and what's appropriate to BOTH of you. Springing "Horny Anal College Coeds" on your spouse might be the first and last adult film you ever watch together.
3. Before you start the video, PREPARE.
Get yourselves ready for sex. Put the lingerie and edible undies on. Got kids? Make sure you have your "early warning systems" ready. You'd rather not have your little ones walking in on Peter North's cum shot or you two imitating Jenna and her partner in a pile-driver position, so make sure the kids are well into dreamland and that there's a door between you and them. If you've got toys, such as vibrators, lotions, pumps, etc. get them out and put them within easy reach. No sense in getting hot and bothered and having to fumble around for your Tera Patrick Fiber Optic Vibe or some lube. Open the condom package and keep it close by. If the film is hot, you'll be reaching for it sooner than you think.
4. Keep the remote handy.
Watching a porno is not like watching Citizen Kane. The object isn't to make it to the end of the video, provoke deep philosophical discussions on life, nor is it to get you turned on by every scene. Adult films typically contain between 4 and 8 sex scenes, meant to appeal to the widest possible audience. This means you'll see "regular" sex, threesomes, girls with girls, two or more guys with girl, orgies, anal, oral, and lots of different positions. If a particular scene isn't doing it for the two of you, hit the advance button! We like to go through the first couple of minutes of every scene first, find what we like, and go back. Nothing working? Turn it off and get busy yourselves.
5. Relax, sit back, and enjoy!
Don't get into conversations about the specifics of what you're watching. These are actors trying their best to turn YOU on. Yeah, so you'd never try a pile driver or let fingers into YOUR butt. So what? Enjoy it for what it is - entertainment. Open a bottle of champagne and pour a small amount on your belly button, letting it drip toward your intimate area, then have your partner lick it off and give you the oral session of your life while you watch the video. Tell him or her to stay down on you until the scene ends, then switch. Pick your favorite scenes and watch them again, after you've both climaxed. Climax again! And again. Then get ready to pick your next one!
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